Ortho appointment tomorrow...blah.

I've taken to baking lately. I've always liked to bake because I have a ravenous sweet tooth, but I've started to appreciate the process. There is something cathartic about beating the crap out of cookie dough with a spoon and then ending up with something beautiful and tasty in the end. It's fulfilling.

I got a new recipe for chocolate chip cookies that I was excited to try. But I thought I'd wait until tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll need it. I'll need the measuring, the beating, the tasting. And I'll definitely need the eating.

Tomorrow Christian has his annual orthopedics check up. Blah.

I've avoided this very appointment for as long as possible. Christian's new PT asked for an updated ortho x-ray report and I thought maybe it was time to be responsible and get it done.

Ortho appointments are pretty much the most stressful and potentially upsetting doctor visits of the year. It's not like neurology, which leaves some room for analysis and ambiguity. Neurology boils down to half a guessing game. A likely crap shoot they throw medications at hoping for a winner. Interpretation can range from bleak to hopeful, depending on the neurologist and whether he or she is glass half full.

Ortho is different. It's as black and white as the x-rays hanging from that depressing light box. Yes, we've had a successful appointment in the past, but it wasn't without a little gasping for breath.

This time I predict it will be different. As in the not so good different. The brain does horrible things to the body when it doesn't work properly. There's twisting and turning. It's all eventually very painful and it becomes a race to figure out how to stop the brain's malfunctioning from hurting the delicate little bodies of brain injured little ones.

I've watched Christian have alternating tone. There are weeks when he is relaxed and easy to manipulate. Then there are weeks he is arched up, tight, and hyperextended. So, yes, Christian twists, turns, arches, rotates, and hyperextends. It's how his brain tells his body to move and if it doesn't get better it will hurt him.

What I'm most concerned about are the spine and his mean case of external rotation. This means his legs extend and turn out as he points his toes and it's causing a problem.

The good news is that I'm prepared. I'm not expecting the doctor to tell me there is nothing to worry about. If he tells me that I might be tempted to get a second opinion. I'd bet money that the "S" word will be suggested...Surgery.

So I'm asking for thoughts and prayers of strength for us.

And if you don't hear from me tomorrow after the appointment, I'll probably be baking.