Okay-ness.

Does my okay-ness offend you?

We are okay.

No, this isn't what I envisioned for myself or for my family, and definitely not for my little boy. But it's our life. And we've claimed it as ours. And, you know what? We're happy with it.

(Gasp!)

How could she be happy? How is she so okay? How dare she be okay?

I am okay and sorry I'm not sorry about it.

We're all okay and if that offends you, maybe you should get happier. 

I understand that when I tell our story, unsuspecting strangers are punched in the gut. They're dealing with it for the first time and it makes them sad. 

I understand that we've had almost four years to be okay and those unsuspecting strangers haven't had time to process but I really don't need you to be sad for us. And I don't want you to be sad for yourself either. 

The truth is that more things in my life make me happy than make me sad. Christian's smiles make me happy. Lola's singing at the top of her lungs makes me happy. Gabe getting excited that I remembered to buy bacon cheese bagels at the store makes me happy. 

The ferocity of support from our friends and cheerleaders rising up like a wave out of the ocean to defend and go to bat for us makes me happy. More than happy. That wave carries us and erases all that is negative and bad.

How can I be sad, really? I have friends and family, food to eat, a roof over my head, my kids are here to kiss and hold. What is there to be sad about?

Here's the thing...life goes on with or without you. You can either go happy or go sad. One thing that irritates me is a person that can't deal with life. A person who has nothing to be sad about but still finds a way to find the sadness in any situation possible. Maybe it's comforting to them. Maybe sorrow is comforting and happiness is scary. So if they can't get happy, how dare I get happy.

Well, sorry I'm not sorry we're happy. And not the fake Facebook persona kind of happy. Really, truly, happy.

Bad things happen in life. Really bad things. But we've made the choice to feed the good wolf. We've made the choice to at least attempt to overcome. You know, bloom where we're planted, use what we have, rise like a Phoenix. 

My hope for this blog is to not only share our journey but to help other families understand that after the dust settles it can be okay. It won't always be sad and there is happiness on the horizon. Some days you may need to look harder for it than others but, I swear, it's there.

You are worthy of it. I am worthy of it. And it's nobody else's business otherwise.