Dreams

When I hear the word dream I have mixed feelings.

I read a memoir about following your dreams. It's not a book I would have normally chosen but it was all over Oprah - The Last Lecture.

As I'm reading it, the author is going on and on about following one's dreams. In my opinion, it was rather trite and...meh. Follow your dreams, and they'll come true. Dream big.

What if your dreams are for your children? And what if those dreams are so big they engulf you? And without an act of God, those dreams may just be too big for this small, mortal earth.

So I was a wee bit cynical of the book. Mostly just not entertained, though.

The subject of dreaming is a sore spot for me. After Christian's accident, I would have dreams of him smiling and laughing and I would wake up sad and tearful. I was terrified that God was showing me these images through dreams because it was the only way I could see my Christian like that again. So those dreams made me terribly sad and a little angry. Other people would excitedly tell me they dreamed about Christian talking and laughing and I would listen to their description. They were so happy, thinking they were delivering good news to me. But it was actually really painful because, again, I thought God was showing them Christian in that way because it would be the only way they could see him like that, too.

I didn't want to hear about their dreams anymore.

Fast forward to now, I cling to those dreams. I hope and pray for those dreams. If it is the only way I can see him laughing and smiling, I can't wait for those dreams. And I wake up happy. And I'm happy when I hear that others have dreamed about him. I'm happy they got that gift, too.

And speaking of night time antics, Christian must have some pretty great dreams himself, I'd imagine. He moves in his sleep. He stretches his arms up and over his head and he makes stretching faces like he's just...so...tired. He arches his butt up in the air and gets his knees almost underneath him. He turns his head from side to side. It's the cutest thing to watch. He's even started to really move. Yesterday morning I found him partially rolled from his tummy to his side.

I've asked a developmental specialist about it - about why he moves so normally while sleeping. She said it's an area of the brain undamaged or not as damaged that only reveals itself while in a sleeping state. How cool it would be if we could tap into that.

In the mean time, I'm glad Christian gets a chance to be free, be comfortable, and move normally, even if he is asleep while doing it. I'd imagine he's got some great dreams of running and playing, chasing our dog, Ruby, and teasing Lola. Maybe that's why he's always stretching while he's asleep. He's worn out from all of the dream fun he's having.