A Gift.

Exhausted does not begin to cover this day. Let me start from the beginning...

We had our ultrasound, which confirmed what we already knew...we're having a baby girl! And her name will be Lola Magdalene. The name comes from a stubby sea turtle we met in Key West in June. The aquarium there has rescued animals and there were a few sea turtles who had been injured. Well, there was a sea turtle who got her little fin caught up in some fishing wire so she had a stub for her right, front "arm." But she got around just fine! And her name was Lola. When I heard that I thought, "That's It!" Magdalene is after my mother in law who is Magdalena, a great source of strength and faith for our family. I like that Lola Magdalene sounds like an old showgirl's name or something. She looks great, nice and active, and brain and heart parts are in tact. That's all we ask for.

After the ultrasound we got Christian ready to go. He road in his carseat strapped to a gurney to go up to Phoenix in the ambulance. I went up separately so I would have a vehicle in Phoenix, especially so I can visit the HBOT center.

And we're finally here.

When I got here, it was weird, I'm not going to lie. Christian was super agitated and the nurses don't know him so they don't know what positions work for him. His heart rate was up, he was warm and flush, I knew he was pissed as soon as I walked in the room. I repositioned him and took everything in. I was so lost and the only way to explain it is that I felt like we came so far in the PICU only to start over again at another institution. I use the word 'institution' because that's kind of what it feels like, which is surprising. Why am I surprised? Because I didn't know what to expect. The nurses and case managers at the hospital have never even been here and they could only go off of here say.

When I got here, I didn't know where anything was, the nurses are different. PICU nurses and doctors are so involved and they're just top of the line. It's totally different here. I'm sure the nurses here are good but we got so spoiled in the PICU. I met the Occupational Therapist and the Speech Therapist who will be working on oral stimulation. I mentioned to her that Christian had been making sucking motions and she got a pacifier for me so that if he starts to seem like he wants to cooperate, we can see what he can do with it. More on that later.

It was so overwhelming. A new place and then an agitated Christian equals verge of meltdown for Shauna. The OT started talking about how they have a pool for therapies that we could use, "Oh, but I know that must be hard at this point because that's what got him here. How long has it been?" I just lost it. Right in front of her and the social worker. I felt so lost and helpless and I didn't even have Manny and Gabe to come visit me to make me feel better. All of the sudden I was very alone.

There are a lot of sick kids here. Some are really severe and some are never going home. Some don't have families to go home to. I don't feel attached to this place like the PICU. I just want Christian home. But I am excited about the therapies he'll receive. And we're blessed that he will be coming home.

Oh yeah, more on the sucking thing. Well, Christian got some Tylenol after his agitation and he took a really long, much needed nap. When he woke up he was back to normal. So I started talking to him and putting the pacifier on his lips, in his mouth, around his mouth. He actually kind of responded and he was into it a little. I put the pacifier at the front of his mouth in front of his teeth and he began with the sucking motions. Then he voluntarily began to open his mouth for me to put his pacifier in. I could really tell he was liking the stimulation, he just can't quite figure all of it out yet. He had a pacifier from about 2 months to about 6 months. Then he spit it out and wouldn't take it again. I think he likes the pacifier, though, so I'm going to keep at it.

So here's to hoping for a better, less emotional, day tomorrow. Hopefully, Manny and Gabe can come visit.

Really, this day is a gift. I told Manny right after the accident that I didn't want to go home without Christian. So it's a gift that I got today. Although Christian left in an ambulance and me in my truck, we left the hospital completely in tact and ready for the journey ahead.